Letting Go on Thanksgiving Day
I hope you are all having a nice day-with your families and friends.
I am with my family.
As much as I love them,
As much as I KNOW I love them-
And as much as I realize how important and integral they are to my life, In activating and reminding me of my Sacred Purpose-
And much as I want to come and see them
I have so much negative energy I have to combat every time I arrive in their town of residence.
I didn’t have good time here.
They moved to this place when I was in 8th grade.
It was a terrible time to move me-
and to a world so different than the one I grew up in.
I experienced severe culture shock along with an unwelcoming community when we arrived.
Bad things happened here.
To my family unit,
And then to my brother.
And this is deeply ingrained in my body and psyche.
I was exhausted from my drive-
And exhausted from all the work I have been putting out into the world-
And when I arrived-
And I just had such a negative feeling inside my body.
I wasn’t being my normal happy full of energy cheerful self that I always am in LA.
And I was thinking about how this is always the way that I am when I get here.
And it's always confusing.
I’m so full of life and energy for everyone else-
And I’m often my worst version of myself when I come to see the people that I love the most.
For most of all of these years I have said-
"It’s because. Hate this place so much!"
SO angry that now I would never be able to get them to leave.
So angry that I will always have to come here for the rest of my life-
And that the day I don’t-
Will only be when none of these people that I love so much - are alive.
Last time I was here-
I realized in a brand new light-
that I have been blaming this city all these years for all that happened that has hurt me so much in my life.
I was lying in the bath just now-
With so much anxiety and a feeling of having done something wrong-
And I thought-
Do I feel this way right now?
There have been no arguments-
(which for many of us and our families- we know it’s really good to have a visit with no arguments!)
There is nothing wrong.
I am clear with everyone in my life,
And so I thought-ok-
what is stuck-
that is ready to be released.
it's showing me it's in there-
With all the work I’ve been doing- with myself and with clients this past year-
I know how much of our selves- and our energy-
Is locked up inside of events that happened in our past.
And it’s usually from something that hurt.
that happened when we were young-
And right at that very moment-
We learned how to protect ourselves from ever feeling that way again.
And so from then on,
There is energy that does not flow-
Because we are blocking it-
Intentionally- to protect ourselves-
And because we’ve done it for so long-
It has become such habit-
That we are no longer aware of.
But the block is there. And it blocks us from more than we know
I thought of the Oracle card that I pulled in our full moon circle the other night- specifically for this full moon today-
And I pulled TRUST.
And obviously right?
Trust the process, trust Spirit-
And I remembered that