I hope you are all having a nice day-with your families and friends.
I am with my family.
As much as I love them,
As much as I KNOW I love them-
And as much as I realize how important and integral they are to my life, In activating and reminding me of my Sacred Purpose-
And much as I want to come and see them
I have so much negative energy I have to combat every time I arrive in their town of residence.
I didn’t have good time here.
They moved to this place when I was in 8th grade.
It was a terrible time to move me-
and to a world so different than the one I grew up in.
I experienced severe culture shock along with an unwelcoming community when we arrived.
Bad things happened here.
To my family unit,
And then to my brother.
And this is deeply ingrained in my body and psyche.
I was exhausted from my drive-
And exhausted from all the work I have been putting out into the world-
And when I arrived-
And I just had such a negative feeling inside my body.
I wasn’t being my normal happy full of energy cheerful self that I always am in LA.
And I was thinking about how this is always the way that I am when I get here.
And it's always confusing.
I’m so full of life and energy for everyone else-
And I’m often my worst version of myself when I come to see the people that I love the most.
For most of all of these years I have said-
"It’s because. Hate this place so much!"
SO angry that now I would never be able to get them to leave.
So angry that I will always have to come here for the rest of my life-
And that the day I don’t-
Will only be when none of these people that I love so much - are alive.
Last time I was here-
I realized in a brand new light-
that I have been blaming this city all these years for all that happened that has hurt me so much in my life.
I was lying in the bath just now-
With so much anxiety and a feeling of having done something wrong-
And I thought-
Do I feel this way right now?
There have been no arguments-
(which for many of us and our families- we know it’s really good to have a visit with no arguments!)
There is nothing wrong.
I am clear with everyone in my life,
And so I thought-ok-
what is stuck-
that is ready to be released.
it's showing me it's in there-
With all the work I’ve been doing- with myself and with clients this past year-
I know how much of our selves- and our energy-
Is locked up inside of events that happened in our past.
And it’s usually from something that hurt.
that happened when we were young-
And right at that very moment-
We learned how to protect ourselves from ever feeling that way again.
And so from then on,
There is energy that does not flow-
Because we are blocking it-
Intentionally- to protect ourselves-
And because we’ve done it for so long-
It has become such habit-
That we are no longer aware of.
But the block is there. And it blocks us from more than we know
I thought of the Oracle card that I pulled in our full moon circle the other night- specifically for this full moon today-
And I pulled TRUST.
And obviously right?
Trust the process, trust Spirit-
And I remembered that
I TRUST my guides.
The messages that come through me,
SO MUCH that I am doing everything possible to get out of their way-
To put my ego aside, listen, follow, and let the messages come out.
I took a deep breath- filled myself full of this remembering
And as I exhaled-
The faucet - started to drip. (On it’s own-while being off)
Releasing all of it’s water it had been holding onto since I turned it off.
And then I got it-
TRUST- TO LET GO
I am so guarded when I arrive.
I have experienced more pain here- in my life- than in any other place -and I only lived here for 5 years.
AND THEN my brother broke his neck.
My negative response- is my way of protecting myself.
Walking into their house-
my brother in his wheelchair.
my parents- older,
tired, exhausted, still trying to hold it all together.
there's a lot of pain there.
And I WANT TO BE MY BEST FOR THESE PEOPLE-
So I'm sharing this for any of you-
who maybe have some of the same feelings.
And are Going to see your family today.
People that you love-
But maybe have a lot of trapped energy around.
You -and them too.
Maybe it’s time -
to let go of something.
Just you, on your own.
And maybe, at the table,
you'll be willing to share.
It is the full moon tonight.
And when we do ritual at the full moon,
we always let something go.
What about Sharing 3 things you are grateful for at the table?
And then SOMETHING that you are letting go of.
You don't have to know how to fix anything.
and see what happens.
Share with others who don’t know how to share.
Let go, be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable makes us stronger.
It makes others stronger-
It shows them it’s okay to let go.
Sharing helps other people forgive.
Helps us understand and connect and trust.
And be present.
Acknowledgment is a powerful tool.
WE have to be the change we want to see in our families.
We having to be willing to take the risk-
of letting go of some behaviors that make us feel safe-
For something more important than feeling safe.
This is what I believe - anyway.
I'm thankful for all that I am constantly learning on this journey-
And for having people I love to work it out with.
I hope this message was helpful for someone else out there.
Sending out love <3